Step 15: Never Trust Anything with Liam Neeson in It

Quick Points

Liam Neeson
A jerk as usual.

Special Effects
I am VERY picky when it comes to CGI, but if it's done well, it can take a movie to another level. I applaud you, A Monster Calls.

Really a Kid's Movie?
Heck no! It's rated PG-13 people! Just because the main character's a little boy doesn't mean that this movie was marketed towards children!

Cry Factor
If you're not crying by the end of the movie, you're heartless.

Liam Neeson! Why must you ruin everything you touch! Actually... if we're being fair, he did a pretty good job voicing the monster in J.A. Bayona's A Monster Calls. His deep, gravely voice was almost as good Treebeard's for The Lord of the Rings. But his character was sort of harsh.

That was the whole point of the movie, though. If the monster hadn't pushed Conor (Lewis MacDougall) to his breaking point, the boy never would have been able to reveal what was truly in his heart. And as they say, the truth will set you free. Or make you ball your eyes out. Whatever.

The trailers don't do A Monster Calls justice. They make you think the story's about a boy who needs to overcome bullying, or learn to be a man, or take responsibility, or any other cliche coming of age lesson. In actuality, it's the story about dealing with loss, and if you go into the movie unprepared for that, you're going to have a bad day. Looking back on the message, though, you can see that it's a good one supported by a strong story. While I wouldn't recommend paying the money to cry in public, renting it for a private movie night at home with lots of tissues could be very cathartic.

---

What did you think of the movie? Comment below!

Step 14: Moana Should Have Been Better than Frozen

Quick Points

Vs. Other Disney Princesses
 "I am NOT a princess!" "If you wear a dress and have an animal sidekick, you're a princess."

Number of Disney References
Four. And that was just in one song.

Vs. Lilo and Stitch
Initial gut reaction - I like this one better. I enjoyed both of them for unique reasons, but as a whole, Disney's let down the Hawaiian Archipelago.

Future Disney World Ride
Splash Mountain will be renamed Maui's Plunge.


I loved loved LOVED the ending of this movie. But for how much I loved the ending, I "mehed" the rest of it. Like any other Disney Princess movie, Moana is the strong-willed daughter of a ruling family who undergo some sort of tragedy that threatens their people. Moana steps up and leaves the safety of her home to find a hero to save them.

Of course, in today's society where women can do anything that men can do, Moana's search not only leads her to the hammy, and at times useless, Maui, but also to the strength that's been inside her all along. And while it's an incredibly beautiful revelation song, Frozen's already done it. Heck, even Mulan showed us that we don't need to be a well trained man to save the empire!

The thing that makes up for the typical story line is the villain. Te Ka is the best, most natural villain in the Disney Princess universe. While every other villain has their place in Starkids' "Twisted," Te Ka's reason for terrorizing the Polynesian islands is completely justified and can't be made fun of. Plus, you get an intense battle scene followed by chilling yet delicate song. So, while Moana was not as good as I was hoping for, the ending alone makes it a must-see for every Disney fan. Maybe just wait until it comes to Red Box.

What did you think of the movie? Comment below!

Step 13: Lucky 13

Quick Points

Soundtrack/Score
So... much... country... gonna... die....

Favorite Line
There were so many! I'd have to go with the simplest one, though, spoken by Tanner right before an epic beat-down: "Boy, you'd think there were ten of me."

Cops vs. Robbers
The brothers are committing a crime, so they should be caught, but you like them. You want to hate the cops for going after the brothers, but you like them too!

Should it be Nominated for an Oscar?
YESOHMYGODYES!


I never would have watched this movie had my Papa not noted it on a list of potential Oscar nominees. Even at that, it was third on our list for movie night, trailing way behind Magnificent 7 and Manchester by the Sea by the mere fact that I'd at least heard of those movies. This is the movie that's going to fall through the cracks, and boy, does it deserve a much better fate than that.

David Mackenzie's Hell or High Water is the perfect mix of your cliche Robin Hood story, modern day social issues, action-packed violence, and witty banter. The tale of two brothers robbing small-town banks in an attempt to save the family farm from those very banks is not unheard of, but Ben Foster and Chris Pine actually make you care about the struggles the Howard brothers are going through. And Jeff Bridges and Gil Bermingham make you care about the Texas Rangers, so when the final shootout comes you don't know who to root for!

The writers gave us a great story line that while at times was predictable still gave you a few good shocks that called for a rewind, and on top of that they managed to squeeze in plenty of laugh-out-loud moments. So if you can't get behind the bank robberies, you can still enjoy Bridges and Bermingham insulting each other in ways that only partners on the force can. Don't let the country scare you away from this film. While the songs all sound the same, every scene offers you something new.

---

What did you think of this movie? Comment below!

Step 12: Watch Some Bad Children's Halloween Movies

 

Quick Points

Scary Music
I'm much more a fan of the music from The Wolfman.

Scariest Moment
It's Alvin and the Chipmunks! There are no "scary" moments! The Wolfman might be a teeny bit scarier than Frankenstein, though.

Scariest Character
Theodore actually becomes pretty scary in The Wolfman.

Scare Rating
It's just scary that I used to think these movies were good when I was younger.


If you couldn't tell from the Quick Points, Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet the Wolfman is a better movie than Alvin and the Chipmunks Meet Frankenstein. It makes sense. Frankenstein came out in 1999, a year before The Wolfman. Logic would say Universal Studios would continue to improve their singing chipmunks stories with experience. But man, can you tell these movies are only designed for children.

Both introduce kid's favorite talking woodland critters to Hollywood's favorite monsters, both have one of the Chipmunks turning into monsters themselves, and both have at least one catchy song. Neither one of them goes very deep or offers anything for adults, though. Yes, there's the classic theme of just because you look bad doesn't mean you are bad or you mean to be bad--a great lesson for kids--but Frankenstien's antagonist has no backstory or reasoning behind his madness. The Wolfman's antagonist is a bit more believable, but cheap jokes throughout the movie makes it hard for older viewers to watch the story unfold without groaning.

These are children's movies, though, and for children they're fine. There's jut enough "boo!" to get kids into the spirit, and it's also a cute way to introduce little ones to the classics. While I recommend waiting until you have your own little monsters before taking a trip down memory lane and re-watching these movies, I would go ahead and say they won't rot your kids' brains too much.

---

What did you think of these movies? Comment below!

Step 11: Get into the Holiday Spirit

Quick Points

Scary Music
The little boy raps! It's terrifying, but also somewhat adorable.

Scariest Moment
When Nana finds the hidden camera. You know it's coming, but jeez that woman is creepy!

Scariest Character
See above.

Scare Rating
Not going to lie, I'm a little bit afraid to visit my grandma and grandpa now.




Start off the spookiest month of the year with M. Night Shyamalan's scariest film since Signs--The Visit. Though this movie won't give you nightmares, you will think twice about visiting grandma and grandpa, especially after sundown.

Shot like a documentary, the film follows aspiring director Becca (Olivia DeJonge) and her little brother Tyler (Ed Oxenbould) as they visit their maternal grandparents for the first time. Everything seems normal at first--there's even a bit of comedy thrown in--but this wouldn't be a horror film without a little bit of crazy suspense. Emphasis on the crazy. Nana (Deanna Dunagan) starts running around the house naked after 9:30 pm, and Pop Pop (Peter McRobbie) imagines that people are following him.  Of course, they've each got perfectly good explanations for their weird behavior--the side effects of old age--but after Becca's hidden camera catches Nana storming to the kids' room with a knife in her hands, the joke's over.

After Shyamalan's long string of duds, it's completely understandable to go into this movie with reservations. While it's by no means the best horror film out there, the movie does keep you guessing throughout the film. Are they really just old? Is there something demonic or supernatural about them? Are they aliens? Is this a sequel to Signs?!  The traditional Shyamalan twist is a good one, though you'll smack yourself for not realizing it sooner. All of the actors played their roles very convincingly, and the documentary-style filming wasn't nearly as bad as The Blair Witch Project.

There were some plot holes throughout the story, and there were a few cliche's (don't go in the basement you dumb kid!), but as I've mentioned several times already, this isn't the greatest horror movie in the world. It is, however, a fun scary movie to watch with friends. I would recommend waiting to watch it until next Halloween, though, when you can rent it from the library. We don't want to pay too much for the movie and give Shyamalan reasons to think he's good again, do we?

----

What did you think of the movie? Comment below!

Step 10: Support Your Locals... I guess...

Quick Points

Movie vs. Book
BOOK! The book touches on topics that are much deeper than "am I going to make it to Prom in time?"

Soundtrack/Score
Not memorable. Sorry Nat.

Favorite Scenes
The gas station and Pokemon.

Audience Reactions while Watching the Movie
I'm not kidding--the gas station scene and the moment the kids break out into the Pokemon theme song were the only times the movie solicited laughs and cheers.


If you remember my very first movie review, I was a decently sized fan of The Fault in Our Stars (both book and movie), so when I heard that another book by John Green was hitting the big screen, I hit the books. Once again, Green did not disappoint. Unfortunately, the same cannot be said of the movie adaptation.

Looking at the film version of Paper Towns as a completely different entity from the book (as I've had to do with so many books-to-movies), it was cliche. Typical social outcast Quentin (played by Nat Wolff, who made a better secondary character in Fault in our Stars), is secretly in love with the hot and popular girl next door, Margo (played--though just barely because she's missing for half of the movie--by Cara Delevingne), but she hasn't given him the time of day since they found that dead body when they were little kids (the only non-cliche scene). The night before Margo disappears, she teams up one last time with Q, and the two get revenge on all of their shallow friends and bullies while almost (but of course, not quite) admitting their true feelings for each other. Then she's gone, and Q guilt trips the only two friends that are dorky enough to hang out with him into helping him find her. You even get the classic argument that always leads to the friends abandoning the main character--"The woman I love but have never expressed my feelings towards are more important than your long-term girl friend and your honey-bunny who's desperate for a Prom Date!"

All that being said, the ending's not a complete cliche. Though, it's not a complete non-cliche, either. You get just the tiniest bit of "You're really going to do that?" before going back to "Ahh, familiar grounds." Which is really sad because try as hard as you might to separate the book from the movie, if you read the novel, you knew what these characters were capable of. Maybe if new director Jake Schreier had been able to give more time for the characters to show their true bonds with one another (I don't know how many times I have to stress that the gas station and Pokemon theme song scenes were amazing!), the plot would have made more sense and seemed more real.

As is, I waited until Paper Towns was almost gone from theaters before posting this review for a reason. While I do always believe in supporting local authors, I also believe that this movie is not worth $10. Maybe you could catch a cheap matinee? Or even just wait until it comes out to Redbox.

---

What did you think of the movie? Comment below!

Step 9: Go Into the Woods

Quick Points

Best Song
Chris Pine and Billy Magnussen's "Agony"-- And not because of their singing. ;)

Worst Song
Lilla Crawford's "I Know Things Now" -- It's a song filled with sexual innuendos, and it's not the only one in this musical! 

Favorite Character
All of them.

Least Favorite Character
All of them.




Every character in Rob Marshall's big-screen adaptation of Into the Woods does something that you like and something that you don't. One moment their motives and their actions make sense, and you want them to get their happily ever after. The next, they say or do something so selfish or contradictory that you just want to slap them. Every. Single. Character. Except, perhaps, Cinderella's wicked step-family. They stick to their traditional rottenness.

Luckily, most of the enchanted folks of this musical make up for their bi-polar disorder with their singing. While it's difficult to distinguish one song from the next in the never-ending barrage of sung dialogue, most of the performers themselves have beautifully distinct voices that intertwine with the other cast members' seamlessly. James Corden and Emily Blunt's Baker and Wife have several nice duets throughout the film, but what's even more spectacular is Corden's quartet that he does with three of the younger cast members towards the end of the film. And of course, Meryl Streep's Witch mixes well (in a wicked way) with all of the royals and peasants. It's sad that the same could not be said of the Wolf played by Johnny Depp. After seeing him get his bad on in Sweeny Todd, I looked forward to hearing that angry voice again in more than one pedophilic song.

As a huge fan of both Disney-fied and classic fairy tales, there were a lot of things I was looking forward to in this musical adaption. Sadly, the songs were the only good things that freshened up these old tales, and as I mentioned before, all the songs blended together. It was an interesting touch to have all the stories combined into one, but others have combined these classics in much more unique ways. While I wouldn't tell you to completely skip this movie, I might suggest doing a matinee or even just Redboxing it.

---

What did you think of the movie? Comment below!